7 min read

๐Ÿ™„ Snarketing Alert: Stupid Automated Sales Emails

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If you have a job in any tech company, you get dozens of stupid automated sales emails every day. Tools like HubSpot, Outreach.io and Reply.io have enabled automated mass email by sales reps using their Gmail and Outlook accounts combined with Seamless.ai or ZoomInfo lists.

These tricks cause email to get delivered straight to the inbox (usually).  However, these types of emails are absolutely the worst and a total prospect turn-off. If you are a CEO, COO or a CRO of a SaaS or Tech company, ask your sales people to forward you a couple of cold outreach emails. If they look anything like the below, call us. ASAP. You need help.

Take a look at the eight examples that I received in one day, all before 8AM PT. These emails are 100% typical of what is sent to a founder of a "HubSpot Agency that services only SaaS companies." Come on, guys. You can do better.

Note: Snarketing stands for "snarky marketing" and is a play off of  "smarketing" which is a term in marketing circles that means "sales and marketing working together" or "smart marketing." We owe you $25 if we ever use "smarketing" in a sentence un-ironically.


๐Ÿ“ง#1 Stupid Automated Sales Email 

Time: 4:27AM
From: someone@automatedmeetings.co
Subject: Quick Question for Rebecca

Rebecca,
 
Saw on your profile that you studied Finance at University of Southern California. My uncle also studied there - seems like you're in good company!
 
Btw my company books 32 qualified sales calls per month for agencies like Orange Marketing on a 100% pay per call basis.
 
Would this be worth exploring more on your end?
Somebody
Automated Meetings
 
๐Ÿ™„ Snarketing
๐Ÿ‘Ž I get at least ten "we can get leads for you" emails every day and they all read like this.
๐Ÿ˜ก 4:27 AM - Seriously guys your software can send based on a person's time zone. I got four emails all at about 4:30 AM. Seems like the optimal time to send if you are in India trying to cover the "Western" hemisphere.
๐Ÿ˜’ So you read my LinkedIn and made up a lame connection that will pique my interest because I am an idiot. Thanks for that.

๐Ÿ“ง #2 Stupid Automated Sales Email

Time 4:44 AM
From: someone@gmail.com
Subject: Link Request
 

Hey! 

I wanted to confirm if you got a chance to review the last email regarding guest posting opportunities. 

Could you please suggest the next few steps to get started.

Thank you!

Somebody
Outreach Manager
 
On Thu, Sep 15, 2022 at 3:29 PM <@gmail.com> wrote:
Hey,

I handle link building at a digital marketing firm and would like to add your blog to our database.

Could you please suggest all terms you have plus the publishing fee, if any?

Thank you,

Somebody
Outreach Manager
 
๐Ÿ™„ Snarketing 
โ˜ ๏ธ Subject makes me delete โŒ before opening
๐Ÿ‘ฟ NO I haven't read your last email, dear god why do they all say that? This annoys me almost more than anything. I almost reply to tell them to stop using that line. 

๐Ÿ“ง #3 Stupid Automated Sales Email

Time 5:14 AM
From: someone@klickrgrowth.com
Subject: Engagement for Orange Marketing
 
Hi Rebecca -- know youโ€™re busy, just nudging you on this. Make sense to connect?

Looking forward to connecting,

Somebody

Let me know if youโ€™re not interested and I wonโ€™t reach out again
--
Somebody
Klickrr

On Fri, October 14, 2022 7:31 PM, someone@klickrgrowth.com

> Hi Rebecca,
>
> Came across Orange Marketing on Pitchbook and wanted to reach out.
>
> At Klickrr, we helped another software company boost their average revenue per user by over 49-percent with highly-converting text message workflows at each stage of the customer lifecycle.
>
> Would you be free to connect to see if there'd be a similar fit for Orange Marketing?
>
> Looking forward to connecting,
>
> Somebody
> --
> Somebody
> Klickrr
>
> Let me know if youโ€™re not interested and I wonโ€™t reach out again
 
๐Ÿ™„ Snarketing 
โ˜ ๏ธ Subject makes me delete โŒ before opening.
๐Ÿ˜  Because they don't say what they do in latest email, I am forced to read down the chain if I care, which I don't, because I have already deleted โŒ.
๐Ÿ‘ฟ NO I won't take the time to tell you I am not connecting because that would be connecting.

๐Ÿ“ง #4 Stupid Automated Sales Email

Time: 5:53 AM
From:  someone@softwarefinder-us.com
Subject: 10 Mins - This Week?
 
 
Hi David, Hope you're doing well.

Looking for a full featured free trial of top Project Management, Construction or accounting tools at Edelman?

We are offering a full-featured trial of multiple tools like Asana, Trello and many other without any commitment.

Experience all the benefits of these tools before paying any money.

Are you available for a call to discuss this further?

Thanks,
Somebody
Software Finder
 
๐Ÿ™„ Snarketing 
โ˜ ๏ธ No my name is not David and I don't work at Edelman. I just deleted โŒwithout opening.
๐Ÿ˜  Why would I want "construction software."
๐Ÿ‘ฟ This is obviously mass email.
๐Ÿ˜ฑ BTW, I am so important that I don't have 10 minutesโŒ.

๐Ÿ“ง Stupid Automated Sales Email #5

Time 6:09 AM
From: someone1@growthmachinedigital.com
Subject: Cadence for Orange Marketing
 

Hi Rebecca,

Our CEO asked me to reach out to you (see below).

At Growth Machine, we 3.5Xโ€™d the visitors for another SaaS team 100 days with an education-first blog approach that filled out the bottom of their funnel with traffic interested in the pain points solved by their software.

Would you be open to a competitive keyword analysis to see if thereโ€™d be a opportunity for Orange Marketing?

Looking forward to connecting,

Nathan

PS -- leave a response and I wonโ€™t reach back out
--
Somebody2
Growth Machine
Head of Strategy

---------- Forwarded message ---------

From: Somebody2
Date: Mon, Sept 12, 2022 10:21 AM
Subject: Meeting with Rebecca
To: Somebody1

Hey, check out Orange Marketing. We havenโ€™t worked with them yet and they have some low-hanging fruit for SEO.

Can you try to set up a call with Rebecca?

-  Somebody2

๐Ÿ™„ Snarketing 
โ˜ ๏ธ Fake CEO trick. I am so egotistical that this would work. I just deleted โŒwithout opening.
๐Ÿ˜  Um we are an agency that sells these services ๐Ÿคก.
๐Ÿ‘ฟ I can't waste another word on this. (I just did).

 

๐Ÿ“ง #6 Stupid Automated Sales Email

Time 6:47 AM
From: someone@outboundsalesteam.com
Subject: Could this work for Orange Marketing, Rebecca?

Hi Rebecca,

I found you on LinkedIn when browsing successful agency owners. Don't ask why, I'm a little nerdy...

I partner with agency like yourself to build them an automated client acquisition machine that onboards 1-5 new high-ticket clients each week without you lifting a finger.

We've helped several agencies, including Ecombrand.io which we added over $64k in MRR this month.

Would you be potentially open to taking advantage of this?

I await your response.

Someone
Founder โ€”Salesutopia.io

๐Ÿ™„ Snarketing 
โ˜ ๏ธ "I found you on LinkedIn." I just deleted โŒwithout opening.
๐Ÿ™ƒ "Successful agency owners." Again, stop it.
๐Ÿ‘ฟ Same email that I get five of a day. I don't know who responds to these.


 

๐Ÿ“ง #7 Stupid Automated Sales Email

Time 7:32 AM
From: someone@usoptimusbusinessadvisory.com
Subject: High Demand for Orange
 

Saw you have an SMA (social media agency), Rebecca.

Looking to sell/exit in the next 2 years?

Itโ€™s a hot business to be selling with high demand so I am guessing you want to sell for beyond that standard 3-4 EBITDA multiple.

Through my own experience in selling and helping others exit, I am happy to share advice on what can get you there.

Interested in doing one or two free sessions on how Orange can maximize its exit?

Best,
Someone @ Optimus Business Advisory

๐Ÿ™„ Snarketing 
โ˜ ๏ธ No I do not have a "successful SMA (social media agency). I just deleted โŒwithout opening.
๐Ÿ˜‚ "3-4 EBITDA multiple." Fantasy.  
๐Ÿ‘ฟ I get about 1-2 of these a day. They are not real. There is no free money. But there is a business model in helping idiot agency owners market their dumb agency in a recession.


๐Ÿ“ง #8 Stupid Automated Sales Email

Time 7:56 AM
From:  someone@maxtaxesdeduction.com
Subject: Rebecca, I'm sending you a gift, is the address correct?

 

Hi Rebecca,

I wanted to send out a little something thoughtful your way.

Could you confirm the address below as the best place to send your gift?

Orange Marketing
Rebecca Gonzalez
1024 Bayside Dr, Newport Beach, California, United States, 92660-7462

It won't be keys to a new DeLorean (sorry), but I hope you accept it as an authentic gesture showing my desire to invest in a potential relationship with you and your company.

Just confirm the address above and it'll be over to you in just a few days.

Thank you

Somebody

Somebody
Consultant | MaxTax Incentives
Linkedin 
Schedule a time with me here 

 

๐Ÿ™„ Snarketing 
๐Ÿ” Huh. Free gift. I read the email. (That's a lie, I read it for you, but I would have โŒ deleted it because it came in before 8am with all the other automated sales emails).
๐Ÿคจ Address was basically correct.
๐Ÿ˜€ A scheduling link and a LinkedIn profile. This is a real live HUMAN!!!
๐Ÿ˜ They did not provide ONE hint as to what they sold. (URL below worked, and I am the target).
๐Ÿ‘ I responded with my address corrected. I am curious! I will let you know how this turns out.   
 
UPDATE!!! They replied to me ...
Time 10:12PM AM (sameday)
From:  someone@maxtaxesdeduction.com
Subject: Re: Rebecca, I'm sending you a gift, is the address correct?
 

Hi Rebecca,

Thanks for confirming!  Be on the lookout for something from www.ongoody.com!  I will be in touch. 

In case you don't see the email, it could be in the promotions tab. 

Thank you, 

Conor

 Oh wow! I got the gift email! Watch the video as I try out this cute gift site. Orange Marketing thinks this is a GREAT idea!
 

๐Ÿ™„ In Conclusion ...

 
What have we learned here?
  1. Before 8AM on a Tuesday morning, I had received 8 automated sales emails.
  2. I AM busy. I would have deleted them without reading (but they did inspire this post).
  3. There were almost all awful. 1 out of 7 was not awful, but he got massed in with all the other crap I had received before my day started.
What in the world do you do? Your prospect is almost impossible to reach:
  1. Mass blast marketing email has dramatically decreased in effectiveness (thank you Google, Microsoft and Apple for such awesome SPAM controls except for their own marketing email).
  2. Mass sales outreach now looks and feels like mass marketing and is nearly universally ignored.
  3. Prospect has learned to read past internet advertising.
  4. Business people are burnt out on webinars.
  5. Conference attendance is down.

Sound depressing? As sales and marketing professionals, we also find it challenging, but we have clients beating 2022 at its own game. Need answers fast? Call us. We have a few ideas. (How is that for a tease?)

We will reveal what you should do in another blog post when we cool down.


P.S. Kelsey fixed Email #1 out on LinkedIn.

Pasted below ๐Ÿ˜€

So for the first example in this snarketing post, the same sender sent to me as well. My version read: "Saw you are from Costa Mesa - haven't been there in a while."

Here, I fixed it.
 
Kelsey,
I can see by your more than 60 HubSpot โญโญโญโญโญ reviews that OM is a pretty successful agency.

I'm not sure if you are looking to grow or not. If you are, how are you getting new clients? Is outbound prospecting part of your game?

If it is, and as a co-founder you're strapped for time to do it, our company can help tee up conversations with your ICP and you can just knock 'em down.

We have helped other agencies like SmartBug Media, TANK New Media and Geekly Media (random shout out to our buds :) and they told me you might be interested.

I'm available for a chat or to show you some examples.
Kelsey
 

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